THE RUNAWAY BRIDE

In the last week of last month, the media were abuzz with the story and photos of a bride who abandoned her wedding reception, claiming she was no longer interested in her few-hours-old marriage. Details of what transpired are scanty, but we do have the following information. The incident happened at Orhunwhorhun Road, Delta State. The groom is Julius and he is 41 years. The bride is Roseline, and 32 years. It was alleged that an old flame of the bride showed up at the wedding reception. Immediately the bride saw him, she changed her mind about the marriage she just contracted and took to her heels. In the absence of more information, we shall proceed to look at the incident. To start with, if this marriage was solemnized in the church, it is a nullity. Before a marriage becomes valid, it must be consummated, that is, the couple must engage in sexual intercourse. This brings the wedding to completion. This has nothing to do with premarital sex, if at all it took place. According to the story, the lady ran off during the reception. So we can safely assume that they have had no sex as a married couple. Legally, the marriage can also be annulled. Among others (fraud, deceit, suppression or withholding information which may have weighed on the mind of the other party to give or withhold consent) non consummation is a legal ground for annulment of a marriage. But according to a legal practitioner and marriage counselor, Barrister P. J. Osuji, “Under the Marriage Act once the parties are married, they cannot petition for divorce or dissolution of the marriage until after the expiration of two years (the two years rule), except with leave of court if the petitioner can satisfy the court that he/she will be subjected to exceptional hardship and depravity if the two years rule is not waived. It’s the court’s discretion to grant leave. However, persistent refusal by a party to consummate the marriage is a ground for the other party to seek legal dissolution or divorce in court.” This should be some kind of consolation for the man because he can start dating again and get married after two years unencumbered. But there is no doubt that he has had a heart-breaking and humiliating experience. The report did not indicate if Julius is Urhobo, but in that part of the world (Urhoboland) where the incident took place, nothing is more humiliating for a married man than for his wife to abandon him. Only infidelity compares to it. If I were Julius, the heartbreak notwithstanding, I would be relieved that it happened now that it is less complicated and the emotional investment comparatively less. It could have been more heart-wrenching if it had happened years into the marriage. But I do have some thoughts. At 41 years, Julius is very mature. Does it mean he was not thorough during courtship or the lady hid her past from him or he was just another “foolish” guy in love? Apparently, Julius has been a spare tyre all this while, unknown to him. The ease with which his new wife dumped him says it all. She was just keeping him as Plan B, in the event that her old flame did not turn up. For the lady, even though she is 32, a very ripe age for marriage, she is apparently immature. If the tale we read is to be believed, how can a guy who relocated to Lagos and was incommunicado, in this age of information technology, just show up at your wedding reception and you abandon your marriage before it even got off the ground [just an aside, how come she could not locate him on any of the social media platforms, or were they secretly in touch?] Sometime ago in this column, I advised youths to be in control of their minds because whoever controls your mind controls your life. Apparently, this old flame controls Roseline’s mind and life. As we say in Warri parlance: “He hold am for bad place” (he is firmly in control of her). If not, why would he have the temerity to saunter into the lady’s wedding reception and pronto she renounces the vows she took a few hours earlier and abandons the reception? A lady in control of her mind would not have given him a second thought. I hope this “second missionary journey” will end well for her. Anyway, all unmarried people have some lessons to learn from this sad story. One, do not marry anybody you do not mean the world to. Two, some unmarried people, especially girls, jump into marriage because they feel age is no longer on their side. Even if you feel so, do not jump into marriage because you might jump out sooner or later. As they say in Warri, water when you go drink no go pass you. Very true because marriage was divinely created and much of it is spiritual. Three, do not marry out of sympathy or allow your partner to marry you out of sympathy. There is likelihood you will not be loved or/and respected. In any case, marriage is a marathon, and it runs on the fuel called love, not sympathy. Four, pay attention to details during courtship; do not allow fleshy lust becloud your reasoning. Five, ensure your fiancé(e) makes a clean break with his/her ex, although this might be difficult because you might not know if there is still emotional attachment. These previous relationships have come back to haunt and hurt many marriages. To our old flame at the centre of the storm, if you truly loved Roseline, why go incommunicado and strike at the last minute? Why are you stripping your fellow man, Julius, naked in public? You look like a manipulator. It appears to me you are taking advantage of her because she loves (I hope it is not lust) you so much. This happen in marriages (other relationships too) all the time; one party knows the spouse loves him/her dearly and begins to take advantage of him/her. I wish you the best, but you have behaved badly. There are far better ways to go about these issues and I hope you turn a new leaf.